The year is finally ending...

There was a time, earlier in 2012, when I thought this was going to be a pretty good year. I was living at home mostly, painting and drawing regularly, participating in world wide art trading events, there was even talk of participating in an arts and crafts show in the fall. I got a new job, I reconnected with my grandfather. I was even feeling closer to my husband.

I had hope.

Then, as I've bitched about ad nauseum, everything went to hell.

Now, ironically, I'm probably going to lose my home. I have absolutely no idea how to handle that. But I'm having fun. Seriously, fun! I am having sex with my husband more than we have since we first met. I'm enjoying the heck out of being a cam model most nights. And my new favorite thing is to shop for sex toys. I managed to order another dildo yesterday, and pay nothing out of pocket for it. SCORE!

If I have a terrible day, nine times out of ten I can improve it by going onto my site and finding friendly regulars to chat with, or orgasm with, or just be happy they are there. I have never had a job I enjoyed so thoroughly.

But even with all that, I want this year over. I want a new start. I want to regain the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time things will work out for us.

I want a tattoo.

I want to see a dentist.

I want to find a doctor and have my first physical in over 3 years.

I want to figure out some way to get into better shape.

I do not want to make resolutions.

I just want to be more happy than sad, more joyful than terrified, more secure than anxiety ridden.

Is that too much to ask?

So as this year ends, I look forward to 2013 as the start of something hopefully beautiful.