An Alien, A Genie And A Witch

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago. And today, Robin Williams is dead and my heart is breaking. There is so much more to say. But not tonight.

My first true love was Robin Williams Watching Mork cavort and scamper
I was enthralled by his energy and glee
Not even the Fonz could sway my attention
And I believed our shared surname implied destiny

But I was fascinated by Barbara Eden's hidden navel
The strategically placed tassel drawing my young gaze
To that smooth midriff
And Elizabeth Montgomery and her twitching nose
Could have magicked me off to paradise

I have vague memories of the long brown hair of a girl
Who made my heart flutter, in kindergarten
And kissing a blue eyed boy
Under the wobbly merry go round in the school yard
In first grade

I didn't have the language to define
Or categorize my attractions in elementary school
I knew girls married boys so I would marry Robin Williams
And live happily ever after
While dreaming of Jeannie and Samantha

As I grew into high school, and my body
I found boys to be easier, though not easy, to approach
Girls were inaccessible goddesses guaranteed to crush me
So I surrounded myself with boys
And stole furtive glances at the girls

I kissed a girl for the first time in college
Her wild curls tickled my face as we grasped and grappled
My heart bursting with excitement and fear
Could I really please her?
Could she possibly find me beautiful?

A summer fling, a few one night stands
I was too self conscious and particular
To truly be with a woman
Not that I was better with men
Leaving random hookups and failed relationships in my wake

I married young, to a man, so I could be an adult
Thinking if I worked hard enough
I could make myself fit into that role
And be the perfect wife
And partner and friend

I will never be perfect
Even though I tried hard for 16 years
Stifling basic components of myself
In an attempt to appear
At the least, somewhat "normal"

When the marriage dissolved
I could finally be myself
With the confidence of knowing
I tried
And can now be honest
And not afraid

My girlfriend is smart and funny, sexy and beautiful
She says I'm sexy and smart and funny
Isn't threatened by my interest in men
And absolutely loves my daughter
Being with her is easy

I still think Robin Williams should have married me
Am impressed Barbara Eden could wear Jeannie's costume just a few years ago
And love Elizabeth Montgomery even more as an LGBT and Women's Rights activist

An alien, a genie and a witch
Showed me who I would be