Hooping, Weight Loss, Patience and Kindness

I know I really haven't been posting much recently. I've been busy, but mostly I haven't posted because I didn't know what to say. Life keeps going in cycles. Sometimes it is good and I am doing great, and sometimes it sucks and everything crashes down. But I'm really working on making sure the down times aren't overwhelming.

One of the main things that has helped me is hooping.  Yes, hula hooping, for grown-ups. Hoop dancing is another name for it.

No I'm no expert, but I'm learning, and enjoying myself while I do. I'm getting better balance, my hand strength is improving and I've lost a ton of weight. And as soon as I get some money together, I'm buying this.

I'm perfectly willing to pay for it with donations if you are feeling generous, I have PayPal. ;-) Kidding. Sort of. I really need money.

I got braided hair extensions in my mohawk for kicks. Brown matched to my own colour, and purple, because, purple. I wear my septum ring a lot more often now. And I'm getting a new tattoo this coming Saturday, another butterfly. I haven't had one since June 15th.

Cam modeling has picked up. I've added sph (small penis humiliation) to my repertoire. I came to the realization that if this is what someone really needs to get off, what was I accomplishing by denying him? But I still won't allow anyone to try to humiliate me.

I'm trying to be gentler to my husband. It isn't always easy, but I'm doing my best to avoid being "the Provoker" in the relationship because I know that can only come out badly. He can't be the partner I want him to be if I make him miserable.

My life is still full of uncertainty. I always want to believe that what I am told is truth, even when historically that is not true. My daughter is a delight, even when she pees on the floor. My garden is a tangled mess of colour and life and praying mantids. My health is improving.

Now if I could just make more money...


If you have been reading my blog for a while, it must be abundantly clear that my mental status varies wildly. Hell, just look at the titles of my posts and they run the range from laughing hysterically to almost suicidal depression. And the content only backs up those first impressions.

Yes, I have issues.

Currently I'm on an upswing. I've really thrown myself into hoop dance. I've gotten a very wild new hairstyle. I'm caming regularly again and actually enjoying it. I've reclaimed my virtual space and am doing what I want with people who seem to share my tastes and are willing to pay me for it.

My charity group is doing great and I'm on the Board of Directors now.

My wildflower child just turned 4-years-old and I'm in better shape now then I was before I had her.

I'm getting the nerve up to contact a hoop making company for advice on what to purchase when I get the money, so I have fully custom made hoops by professionals instead of only my own handmade and not exactly right hoops.

Interestingly, as I'm feeling better, I came across this article, "Psychology's answer to trolling and online abuse" today.

Luckily I've yet to experience sustained consistant online abuse. But the short bursts of it I have gotten in cam rooms has been enough to know that people are mean when they are anonymous.

But right now, today, I'm good. I'm covered in bruises from drilling shoulder reversals (almost have them) and wish I could lose another five pounds. But I'm good.

I might steal the Nightmare Moon mini figure I got for my daughter for her birthday though. Because it is hella cool. It is super fucking awesome actually.