Pulse

I'm online at the cam site, staring at an empty room with handles just logged on and off without a comment. I can feel my heartrate accelerating with panic, my skin get shinnier and my hair look greasier with each passing moment. I'm wearing a purple bra and panty and soft open jackety thing that shows off my tattooed chest. My lips are stained red, cheeks are rouged, it doesn't matter...

Just had a potential show and screwed it up. I screw everything up. I'm just so fucking fragile right now and want someone to want to be nice to me. Not to be made to feel like a dirty slut. I wouldn't be online at all tonight if I didn't feel how desperately we need the money, which just makes me feel more like a whore.

I can feel my pulse. It feels red and black and pounding and quaking and I want to sign off. I want a friend to show up and want me. I want to be appreciated. Need to be loved, if only for a little while...