My Week Still Sucks

Last night was the worst earning night I have had on the can site yet. I made $9.00 in three hours. How's that for a slam to the ego? I have gotten desperate in the early morning hours and emailed friendly members asking if they are available. Besides the financial loss I'm experiencing, emotionally I've become doubtful and hesitant. Tense and nervous and I think it is coming through on the site.

I don't know how to turn this around. I've tried different outfits, new hairstyles and makeup, even told members that I was horny and demanded that someone take me private. I know I need to get new members taking me private and hopefully becoming regulars, but I really miss some of my favorite playmates. With all the shit going on in my life, they are wonderful, easy, delightful, stress relief. And I like them as people too.

It really does not help that my telemarketing job is for a mortgage bank. Yes, while I am fighting foreclosure, I am trying to interest people in refinancing their mortgage with my company. This is crazy making.

Ther is also a friend who I haven't seen in months and is continuously posting glowing things about the fabulous developments in her life on facebook who wants to visit. This is a person who once complained to me that she had no money in the bank and her marriage was falling apart, but she refused to give up her kegs of beer or go back to work. She also advised me to leave my husband while his mother was going through chemo. And posted on facebook during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy that it was a shame her house was such a mess so she couldn't invite over friends with toddlers (me) to get a hot shower and warm up.

I don't really want to see her.

But her daughter and mine are very good friends, and it would benefit the wildflower child to play with a friend as I've been getting increasingly grumpy lately.

I am also very frustrated with the Hubby lately. We are speeding toward the deadlines for the Act 91 letter and he's been dragging his feet getting information together until I flipped out on him yesterday. I'm angry with him. So much of what we are going through is a result of his selfish and self serving behavior. He is a recovering alcoholic and this is typical, but I'm never sure what o can believe or depend on with him and times like this it is so hard for me to see anything but disaster when I look at him.

Maybe tomorrow will be different, but tonight, all I want is a friendly person to call me perfect and a Goddess and play with me and fantasize to multiple, mutually satisfying orgasms. while helping out my bank account...