Post Sandy

I live in the eastern United States. Therefore I was one of the thousands affected by Hurricane Sandy. I was personally very lucky in that my home and family came through okay and the only things we lost were food and money. Of course I couldn't get online to the cam site and I lost two shifts of telemarketing work. My husband only lost one shift of work at his retail job. But we still couldn't afford this hit. It makes me feel guilty that I feel so devestated by the storm and our loss of income but we are fighting to save our home and our marriage and this just sucked. I did sort of enjoy the idea of the three of us (me, husband, daughter) all sleeping together in one bed when we evacuated to my grandfather's house, but it was ridiculously uncomfortable. I didn't sleep for four days. Again, nothing compared to people losing their entire homes, or worse, but just thinking about the storm, even days later made my stomach tremble and hands shake.

I know this was a "dry" storm in that flooding in my area was not the problem. It was the wind and power outages. But it just made me think back to April of 2005 when I lost my home (and my job) after this happened:

http://www.co.hunterdon.nj.us/floodingapril05photos.htm

This was my neck of the woods. I lived in a rental cottage near the Delaware River. It was even on the "high side" of the street. I loved that house as much as I hated my landlords and was pretty much sick of sharing the house with a housemate. I had been married at that point for 7 1/2 years. We had three cats and two ferrets and the most beautiful gardens in a small yard. I had a fairly easy and what I thought was totally dependable job as a Marketing Manager for an Advertising Specialties company. Then it was gone.

The animals, husband and I moved into my parents house, I applied to be a police officer and worked out six days a week. I quit smoking. I cried a lot. I put every cent of unemployment into an account to buy a house, found a realtor, went off Effexor.

Now, a bit over seven years later, I don't know if I'll be able to keep the house, we are applying for mortgage modification. I don't work out ever. I'm still not on Effexor or any other mood altering medication. I have chronic vertigo, I work 40 or more hours a week all after 5pm.  I hate getting the mail. I have nine cats and a daughter. I'm still married.

Sandy shook me. But I suppose I should try to remember not what I've lost in the past during storms, but what I gained.

Still, I'm tired of being afraid.

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