Performance Anxiety

I have spent the entire day in my pajamas. And not sexy Victoria's Secret pajamas that float in the breeze and make me look 20 years younger, 60 lbs thinner and 9" taller either. Nope, third day I'm wearing them, flannel owl print pajamas with an ancient purple terry cloth robe and slouchy pink slipper sock thingies.

Oh I even forgot the bed head hair that never got addressed and my bloodshot eyes from a tragic eyeliner allergy. How can you resist this?

I am the image of sex appeal.

Seriously, this is sex on a stick right there! Also, I just fell asleep sitting in a chair with my daughter in between taking that picture, and uploading it to this post. 

All of this combined leaves me to believe that the likelihood that I will be signing onto my cam site tonight is pretty damn low. I just do not feel sexy. In fact I feel pretty much tired, bloated, washed out, bloodshot and greasy and all I want to do is watch "The Walking Dead" with my husband and fall asleep. 

This leads to an internal conflict in continuation of my Taking Time Off post in that; I really need the money and don't want to alienate my customers, and on the other hand, I don't perform as well when I don't feel well, and it would take a fuck-ton of fairy dust and magic beans to make me feel sexy tonight. I mean look at me. That there is not a woman who is "wet and ready." (I promise to write a post about that reference eventually.)

As of my just this second glance at the clock it is only 8:26pm EST, so I could still turn it around, take a shower, blow dry my hair and apply some bags hiding makeup, pull my shit together and go on with the show. I'm just saying it isn't very likely. 

I have a great deal of respect for the women who work for studios and don't have the option to say "eh, fuck it, I don't feel like pounding myself with silicone dicks tonight for the amusement of fickle wankers. Think I'll just go watch zombies taking over the world instead." They have much less freedom on the cam sites than I do. So I cherish the opportunity that I rarely take to say "oh I don't want to finger myself while I watch you jerk off tonight Anonymous Hard On. I shall instead be cuddling with my overtired and snoring husband while watching Daryl Dixon wield a crossbow and imagining him naked." 

Oh look, it is 8:32pm EST. And I'm still a bedraggled mess. 

I'll see you when I see you. Even if it isn't tonight. *kisses*