"I hope you understand."

"I hope you understand." 

At this point I believe the above statement may be my least favorite conciliatory utterance. Ever.

So many hurts and dismissals are finalized with "I hope you understand" as though those four words automatically make the insult less so, the pain magically diminish, the sting just go away.

It does not work that way.

I understand that I am not that important.

I understand that I am disposable.

I understand that my presence, no matter how slight and virtual, is now inconvenient, for you.

I understand all of this.

I am the most understanding person you will ever encounter.

I will not plead or beg or harass or wreck havoc. I do not need to be coddled and condescended to. I am a grown up.

I understand.

I also hurt. I hear the insignificance of my impact on your life. I feel the mental shutters close. I see the dismissal in each word.

I hope you understand that I have feelings. That simply because I understand your reasoning does not guarantee that I will be at peace with it.