Are you fucking with me?

In telemarketing, it is fairly easy to figure out after a few minutes if someone is messing with you. Their answers become a little strange or they ask questions that have nothing to do with the purpose of the call. In the web cam modeling it is a little harder to tell.

The vast majority of my time online doing the web cam thing, is spent in "free chat" where I make connections with the people coming into my room, and hopefully inspire them to go into private and pay money to play with me. But I also get to know people as much as anyone knows anyone online, and have, I think, made friends of sorts. There are handles I look forward to seeing when I'm performing because we have good conversations. And I had one fan that I thought was in the "great to see you category." Then things went sideways.

I've always been a good listener. More than one of my real world friends has said that I am their best therapist or confidant. I like helping people when I can and very little shocks or disgusts me, so I am a safe person to talk to. Or in this case, type at.

The person I had been chatting with appeared to be a young male with a shared interest in some of my musical tastes and an obsession with older women. To be honest, I get more than a few that fit into this category. He had come into my "room" on a few other occasions and seemed harmless. We had chatted enough that I felt comfortable saying "sure" when he asked if he could tell me something difficult. The conversation that resulted was more than off-putting. He admitted to having a fetish that is both illegal and personally repugnant. He also asked for help managing the urges and for my response to his admission. I honestly said he needed therapy, and that I would be willing to help him find therapy if he wished. He seemed appreciative. But then decided to "tell" me what he was doing to himself and claimed he had accomplished a masturbatory feat that required great flexibility and control. And this is when I started to not believe a thing he said.

The reason I am on the web cam in the first place is to make money. In order to make money, I have to spend time in private or exclusive chat with paying clients. I enjoy my time in free chat most of the time but this particular night got very strange. I have to pay attention to each individual who comes into my room and try to keep several conversations going at once while trying to entice someone to take me private. While I was doing all that, this confessing fan decides to tell me in great detail about his latest fetish based dream in multiple posts. And then at the end, asks me what I think about it. At this point I have come to the realization that there is a very strong possibility that the real fetish is not the one he is confessing to having, but that he is getting off on making me uncomfortable, trying to get into my head. And that was even more disturbing to me than the idea that this individual might be harassing farm animals.

Last night while I was having a private session with a client, I saw his handle appear in my free chat room. And my stomach froze. I have decided that his goal was to hurt me, and while understanding that made it easy for me to let his stories go, it angers me and makes me feel uncomfortable.

I think (and I'm still mulling this whole situation over a little) that what truly got to me about this experience, wasn't the idea that I had a person with a bestiality fetish in my room, or even that he might have been lying with the express intent to fuck with my head. What bothers me is that this is how some men, and probably some women, get off at all. What is it about twisting someone else's thoughts and emotions up in knots that is enticing? Whether you are playing with a telemarketer to keep them on the phone, or trying to disgust a sex worker, what is the joy in that? What makes a person so damaged inside that they are driven to damage someone else, even if it is virtually through phone or internet lines?

And how do these individuals treat the people who are actually near them?