So I finally womaned-up and sent an "I am done" email to the guy I've been dating for almost a year. Turns out he doesn't consider me his girlfriend, never did, and likely never will. But he thought we were "friends" (with benefits obviously) who could fuck whenever it was convenient for him, and he could enjoy "fucking with my head" and calling me crazy and overly dramatic and suggest that I euthanize my dog because she has bad knees. Yes, he suggested that. Also he has no intention of introducing me to his children even though we were looking at the year mark in our (oh I guess it wasn't really a) relationship.
So I expressed that I didn't like the way he made me feel, that this wasn't the first time I'd mentioned I didn't like the way he makes me feel, and that in general that conversation resulted in him telling me that I was not understanding the words he was using and we should look closer at syntax. Or that "any normal person" would understand him.
This is a man who would take me to parties and with me standing next to him, tell stories about things he had done with other woman, as if I was the person he had done them with, and when I told him I didn't like that, said I was being ridiculous. That it didn't matter, he wasn't lying, because those things did happen, they just didn't happen with me. Narcissistic much?
Since he read the email, he's been trying to get me to talk to him. My phone has blown up with texts and he's actually called twice. More contact than I've had from him in months. And he has said he wants to preserve our friendship. He doesn't seem to understand that while I've been his friend, he has not been mine. And on top of all of this I get to know that I've wasted yet another year with someone who doesn't actually care about me.
I did text him at one point that I was honestly surprised he was bothered with me calling things off based on how he had been treating me. He responded with "Wow, bitch level pretty high, shame."
Because, you know, he's my friend.
*sigh*
Today he tried to call when I was at Family Sunday, when I texted I was unable to talk he told me to enjoy and I responded "thank you." Being polite. His response was along the lines of "see, we can be friends without the drama of dating." Ugh. I responded "there is a difference between being polite and being friends." Because you know, he still doesn't get it. What he's done is not okay. But I doubt he will ever understand that another person has feelings too.
This is an issue too many woman face in all relationships. If we are dissatisfied and end it, we are the bitch, the ungrateful cunt, the whore, the idiot, the cruel one. No matter what we have gone through and tried to make work, if we say "enough is enough" it is our fault. This is why we stay.
I'm not staying anymore. But it has taken me until 40 to be able to recognize more quickly when I am being gaslighted or manipulated. And I simply won't abide that treatment.
I truly hope other women figure it sooner. And that Wildflower Child never has to deal with this shit, or if she sees it starting, she stops it much much sooner.
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