Understanding

I've been sort of dating a man for about 11 months now. He's very different than I am, but we have fun when we get together. But there was one conversation a long time ago that has stuck and pissed me off. I was trying to explain why I'm very restrictive about my ex having access to the Wildflower Child. I was under a lot of stress at that time and trying to explain that I sometimes fear he will steal her. And had told him that my ex is not allowed on school grounds or to have any say over her medical care or education. I was not explaining myself and my fears very well and at one point he said, "well you are responsible for staying with him. For whatever reason, you stayed."

And I saw red. Especially considering he is a former NYC police officer and all I could think of was whether or not he had asked rape survivors what they were wearing. Because he had just essentially accused me of staying with my abuser so it was my fault I was abused.

It was a fucked up conversation.

Anyway, we talked a few nights ago after I had gone back to the house. And he said he wasn't really getting what I had experienced from the texts I had been sending him. So I told him about what I had found. And he just listened. At one point I was explaining what the pellet stove was and mentioned that it was our primary heat source because we couldn't keep the oil tank full, he responded, "I'm afraid to ask why you couldn't keep the oil tank full..." I said, "because he drank the money. You can't get an oil delivery under 100 gallons, but you can buy a few bags of pellets at a time. And the oil heated our water, so there were weeks at a time I would heat water on the stove or in the microwave to wash up." And at the end, still a little pissed about that conversation from months and months ago, I said, "so if you think I'm crazy..." and he cut me off and said, "No, I get it. He's just awful. Now I understand."

It's taken almost a year for him to really come to an understanding of what I went through. And I don't think he really gets it completely, but now some of how I respond to situations makes sense to him. And why I will do anything to keep Wildflower Child with me as much as possible.