Real Woman

That jerk I was dating tried to argue with me that Trans-women aren't real women because they can never have children.

Besides that being a totally bullshit and close-minded argument, there are plenty of cisgendered women who can't have children.

Soon I will be one of them. November 9th, 2015 actually. At around 8:00am.

I am scheduled for a total hysterectomy, to be performed laparoscopically. I will keep my ovaries so as to avoid menopause and because they aren't the problem. Everything else goes. Uterus, cervix, Fallopian tubes. My doctor says that I shouldn't have any problems maintaining sexual function after recovery. Just in case I get to have sex any time in the future.

So why, you ask, am I having this procedure done at the tender age of 40? Because I can't stop bleeding. I've been bleeding more and more regularly no matter what medications I'm on, for the last two years. And at this point, I've been bleeding steadily since September 12th. It is hell.

I've wondered if there will be an imperceptible sign, some subliminal signal to the people around me that I'm no longer "Mother" and now I will have flipped over to "Crone" in the blink of an eye. Will I be somehow weaker or maybe stronger with the lack of a womb? I don't know.

I'm scared. I'm terrified of anesthesia and narcotic medication. I'm afraid of hurting in the way that surgery hurts. I'm afraid of something going horribly wrong.

The most of me believes all will be well. The bit of me is scared witless.

Cross fingers for me. Please.

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